Q:
I hate to admit this, but my wife and I never got along, and when she died last year I wasn't all that sorry. But now I desperately miss her. I wish I could make up for those lost years. What's wrong with me?
A:
One reason I wanted to reprint your letter is because I hope it will cause other husbands (and wives) to re-evaluate their marriages, and do everything they possibly can to strengthen them—before it’s too late. Even if your letter only touches one person, it will be worth it.
Why do you miss your wife so deeply? I can think of several reasons—but you’ve already put your finger on one of them: regret. You know your marriage wasn’t what it could have been, and you deeply regret that you didn’t do more to reduce the tensions in your marriage and grow closer to your wife. May you take your regret and your guilt and lay them at the foot of Jesus’ cross.
Love—true love—isn’t just an emotional feeling; it is also an act of the will, in which we decide to put others and their needs ahead of ourselves. In other words, true love sometimes involves sacrifice on our part. This is the kind of love Christ has for us—a love so deep that He was willing to give His life for our salvation. The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind. … It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
You can’t change the past—but with God’s help you can change the future. Turn to Christ for the forgiveness you need, and then invite Him to come into your life and make you into the person He wants you to be. When we know Christ, we are never alone.