I respect your sincerity, and if we could sit down and talk I suspect we would at least agree that each of us has a spiritual nature within us that yearns for something greater than ourselves. Centuries ago, a great philosopher called this a "God-shaped vacuum" we each have within us.
But where did this vacuum in our hearts come from? The Bible says that God put it there and the reason He did was so that we would seek Him and come to know Him in a personal way. You and I have a soul that yearns for God; as the Bible says, God "has also set eternity in the hearts of men" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
But the Bible tells us something else very important. It tells us there is a barrier between us and God a barrier we cannot overcome on our own. The reason is because this barrier that separates us from God was caused by our sin. Our greatest need is to have our sins forgiven, and this is something no amount of meditation or similar practice can overcome.
Only God can erase this barrier and this is why Jesus Christ came into the world. He was God in human flesh, sent from heaven to save us from our sins. Don't be deceived by paths that promise to unite you with God but don't deal with your sins. Instead, by faith commit your life to Jesus Christ and trust Him alone for your salvation. Only then will you discover the joy and peace you are seeking.