I know this is a very painful time for you, and I'm sure many who read this will pause to pray for you–and to pray also for all those who are serving their country during this difficult time. The Bible tells us to pray for our world and its leaders, "that we may live peaceful and quiet lives" (1 Timothy 2:2).
Perhaps the most important thing I can tell you is this: God knows what you are going through, and He wants to help you. How will He help you? First, by letting you know that you are not alone, but He is with you. He loves you, and more than anything else, He wants you to discover this truth for yourself.
How do I know He loves you? Because Jesus Christ came all the way from heaven to forgive your sins and bring you back to God. The Bible puts it this way: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" (1 John 3:16). If you have never done so, repent of your sins and by faith ask Christ to come into your life–and He will. Commit your life to Him today.
Then God also wants to help you by giving you hope. No, you can't change the past–but God has a plan for your future. Don't assume the future is up to you, but seek God's will and make it your goal to follow Christ.