Both human experience and the Bible teach us that bad decisions in life always lead to bad consequences always. The Bible warns, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows" (Galatians 6:7).
I realize this may not seem like much comfort. But one reason I wanted to reprint your letter is because someone reading this may be tempted to do what you did and your experience is a vivid warning of what can happen. My prayer is that they will stop and turn away from the wrong road before it is too late. The Bible says, "It is better to heed a wise man's rebuke than to listen to the song of fools" (Ecclesiastes 7:5).
But listen: Although you have left God out of your life so far, He still loves you, and He wants to come into your life and set your feet on a different road. When Jesus Christ went to the cross, all your sins every one of them were placed on Him, and He took the punishment you deserve. By a simple prayer of faith confess your sins to Him and open your heart to Christ.
Then ask Him to lead you to a church where Christ is preached, and where you can have fellowship with other believers. You may be surprised to find some of them have trod the same path you have. But they have discovered that life is different when we learn to walk with Christ and so can you.