Let me assure you that God is even more concerned about your situation than you are. He loves you (even if you're not sure of it), and my prayer is that you will discover this great truth.
Life doesn't always go the way we wish it would -- nor has God promised it will. But He has promised always to be with us, no matter what's happening in our lives -- and that should bring us great comfort. Instead of doubting Him or getting angry at Him, our reaction instead should be to trust Him -- even when we don't understand and the future seems dark. The Bible says, "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge" (Psalm 62:8).
From what you say elsewhere in your letter, you've never thought much about God before this. But you need Him more than ever -- and now is the time to reach out to Him. By a simple prayer of faith ask Christ to come into your life, and commit your future into His hands. He will be with you every step of the way -- and some day you will be with Him in heaven forever.
Then ask God to help you not give up. Be open to whatever He has for you -- even retraining, or volunteer work, or a job outside your normal field. These are hard times, and I know the path may not be easy, but we are never alone when we know Christ.