I urge you as strongly as I possibly can not to take this drastic, final step, in spite of the uncertainty and pain you may be facing.
Why do I say this? One reason is because of the impact your actions would have on those you left behind. Right now, all you can think about is the inconvenience you may cause them as you grow weaker - but have you thought about the pain you'll cause them if you end your life? Almost inevitably they will be filled with guilt and heartache, wondering what they might have done to help you and keep you from taking this step.
But there is a far more serious reason why I hope you won't end your life right now: You aren't ready to die. Elsewhere in your letter, you admit you've never paid much attention to God. But someday soon you will enter His presence - and you are not ready for that day. The Bible warns, "Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment" (Hebrews 9:27).
God is giving you these days for a reason: to make your peace with Him. God loves you, and Christ died to take away your sins. More than that, He rose again from the dead to give you hope for life beyond the grave. Jesus' promise is for you: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). Turn to Christ and give your life to Him today.