I sincerely hope your letter will be a warning to someone who is tempted to turn away from God–just as you were years ago. The devil's way always looks attractive but he never delivers what he promises. The Bible's words are still true: "The way of the unfaithful is hard" (Proverbs 13:15).
But you are wrong to say God doesn't want anything to do with you. God loves you and yearns for you to come back to Him so He can forgive you and welcome you home. Do you remember Jesus' parable of the prodigal son? (You can read it in Luke 15:11.) He rebelled against his father and paid a terrible price as a result. But when he came to his senses and returned home, his father welcomed him. That is what God wants to do with you.
Think of it this way. Suppose you loved someone very deeply–but then that person rejected you and turned against you. How would you feel? Would you be angry? Perhaps–but if you really loved them, I think instead you would be very sad. That is how God feels about you.
Don't stay on the devil's highway one more day. Turn instead to Christ and give your life to Him. No, you can't change the past, but with Christ in your heart the future can be different–both now and in eternity.