One reason I wanted to reprint your e-mail is because I hope it'll cause someone who's about to make the same mistakes you did, to stop and realize what is likely to happen. You probably thought you were taking the road to happiness -- but you weren't, and neither will anyone else who decides to follow the same path.
Does this mean the future will be just as hard as the past has been for you? No, not necessarily -- because God still loves you and has a plan for your life. God has an amazing way of taking the bad things in our lives and turning them into good things -- if we'll let Him. The Bible's promise is true: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Don't blame God for what has happened; hard as it may be for you to accept right now, you alone are responsible for the decisions you've made. But listen: God still loves you -- and the most important thing you can do is to discover this truth by giving your life to Jesus Christ. Confess your sins to Him and ask Him to come into your life -- and He will.
Then ask God to give you the strength to overcome the hard times, but also to give you the courage and wisdom to follow a new path -- His path. But don't do this alone. Instead, seek out a church where you can grow in your faith and find friends who can encourage and help you.